why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
sarcasm needs its own font
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
