you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
