think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
