Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
