If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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