dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
