I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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