dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
