my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
