her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
