my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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