if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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