she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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