god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
