I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
