Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
