No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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