I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
