this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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