How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
