I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
