Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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