you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
