You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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