Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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