one might say we're banned from that church
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
