I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's blow job season.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
