I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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