fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
