I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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