Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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