i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
