even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
