ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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