Can Purell be used as lube?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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