did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
