I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
