so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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