I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
