also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
