What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
