Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
