If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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