Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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