This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
