So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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