if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
