i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
