as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
