We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
love makes seman taste better
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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